Friday, May 13, 2011


I'm not superstitious. But today, Friday the 13th, has been a day from h-e double hockey sticks.

Here's a glimpse at my day:

Work. Always fun.

My first few calls of the day were frantic pet owners calling because today was the day to put down their pets. It's always so hard distinguishing what is being said in between the sobs. I schedule one euthanasia in between appointments--a huge no no because of the typical chaos, but this was a bit of an emergent situation.

She comes in right before the tidal wave of calamity hits.

While her cat is being euthanized, everyone in the world comes in to the clinic. Lest you be fooled, the reception area is not large enough to hold the entire world's population.

One woman comes in with her dog and does not like the placement of the chairs, so she does the most logical thing: she drags a chair clear across the floor, with the chair screeching along, similar to the sound of nails on a chalk board.

Enter: the family with four large dogs. A wild time is had by all.

While the front reception area is filling up, the door to the exam rooms is closed because of the eternal euthanasia that is taking place behind closed doors. As a result, we're re-directing people back into the animal treatment area.

Meanwhile, my phone is ringing off the hook. People are staring at me. There is complete chaos everywhere. Typical phone conversations today go like this:

"Um yeah, hi. Iiiiiiii neeeeeeeeeed toooooooooo briiiiing innnn myyy doooooggggg......."
"Ok, what do we need to see them for?"
"uhhhhhhh....Iiiiiiiii thiiiink heeeeeeee haaaaaaasssss ________" and then they go into some wild story about something that I really have no idea what they're talking about that certainly has nothing to do with the problem in question. Trying to steer them back in the general direction of normality is a long forgotten thought.

Finally, the door that leads to the exam rooms is opened, but the owner of the cat has opted to stay in the room with their deceased pet. For four hours. Literally. That means unknowingly, people are walking by a woman and her dead cat to enter the second exam room.

Things calm down. In walks dapper young man. When he had called to make his appointment today, I said I was looking forward to seeing his puppy again and he said "Likewise. I mean, uh, you too, uh, yeah. See you"

So he's got the cutest chocolate lab puppy, and all things considered, he's a pretty nice guy. Except I found out recently that he threatened to beat my brother up many years ago, so it's pretty swell having this piece of secret information on him. I'm not going to tell him I know about his sordid past. Besides, he treats me great. Way to make things awkward by saying "Hey! Remember when you were a punk, back in the day?"

As he's checking out, he begins to test out the waters, first by saying that I can help the people behind him because he's got some things to ask me. 

My response: ?!?

Most every time I talk to an attractive young man, I feel like a buck tooth hillbilly with no ability to impress what-so-ever. I start thinking "Do I have food on my face? Are there things stuck in my teeth? Why did I wear this outfit today?" I'm very self conscious, contrary to popular belief.

He doesn't ask me, but tells me that we should go hiking sometime. I've noticed guys are very unique in their approach towards woman: some straight out ask, some hint, some are direct, some are indirect. It's all a jumbled mess. (And yes, I know: females do the same). As he's leaving, he tells me that he'll stop by in a few weeks to discuss hiking. You're going to do what? 

Guys, I've noticed, like to leave as little room as possible for girls to say no. Boys. So tricky.
After he leaves, I check in on the woman sitting with her deceased cat. I walk into the room, hand her a water bottle and proceed to talk to her about life in general. It struck me though as odd, (and slightly creepy) when we're both petting her cat who is lying quite dead on the table. She tells me "This is the longest I've ever been able to pet her! In the past, she would always bite me. This is nice" Yeah, I love petting dead cats, too. Favorite past time.  I kept expecting the cat to move. But what am I to do? There is no easy exit here. So we chat for an hour about death. Utterly uplifting.

She left with her cat, but hours later, another family member came back, dead cat in tow to shave off some of her fur for a keepsake. Did I mention they laid her body on the front counter? Excuse me ma'am; please don't put your purse down on this here counter. We had a dead cat here earlier getting a haircut. 

 Among other things that happened on this gem of a day:
  • Somehow, my debit card "floated out" of my pocket while on my lunch break and some men who were cleaning the sidewalk (who cleans sidewalks?) found it and returned it to me in a completely mysterious fashion.
  • A woman with a full blown goatee came into the clinic to buy some dog food.
  • A woman with many missing teeth came in to schedule her dog for a dental because dental care is "vital" 
  • I called a woman to remind her of her dog's upcoming surgery and she told me she couldn't, just couldn't talk to me or take a message. Then she disconnected. Mind you, she was an elderly lady.

 That's Friday the 13th for you. No men in hockey masks, but my goodness. I should have stayed home today.