I'm never going to be okay again, ever.
I also now know what kind of man I attract.
There I was, having a nice day at the vet clinic.
A couple hours earlier, I had a conversation with what you'd call an eccentric man. May I give you a description of this man? Unfortunately, the description I give won't even touch the surface. Just picture someone you find to be incredibly unattractive and then times that by oh, a trillion.
- 50+ years old.
- Overweight. Beer gut.
- Straggly, greasy, greying hair.
- Wearing a felt hat with a feather attached.
- Beard. You know the kind of beard he had, if you're following my description.
He approaches me and asks how long I've worked at the vet clinic, and then asks if I'm planning on becoming a veterinarian. I recite my script (because I'm asked this question weekly) and go into my story about how yes, I work at a vet clinic, but I'm actually an EMT planning on becoming a nurse, etc etc.
He tells me about his days as a cop and mentions an ex-girlfriend who couldn't stand the sight of blood. He also mentions how he rescued a woman's life once by holding pressure on an artery after she'd been in a horrible wreck.
I was so impressed.
So, he leaves and I think nothing of our meeting.
He returns, hours later, breezes in the door and asks "did you miss me?"
I jokingly said yes.
And thus, my downhill journey.
He begins by telling me that I should come down to his farm in Berthoud and "help take care" of his animals.
I was in an honest mood today, and told him no, that's too far away.
He tries to entice me to come to his farm, telling me he even has a "two story house".
Be still, oh beating heart of mine!
I again reply no thanks.
So then he asks, "are you single?"
I give him the truth. Cursed honesty!
He then says "Hey so am I!"
Let's stop here and see what thoughts are going through my mind:
"Oh please no. Please God, anything but this. Let this be a joke, a silly bet, ANYTHING."
But no. This was no joke. He then says, "I should get your number. Let's go out to dinner"
Hint: hillbilly's are not my type.
Time stops. The world comes to an end.
Or so I wished.
Dinner? DINNER?!? Dude! LOOK AT YOU! You're ancient! You have a hat with a feather sticking out of it! You've got an orange bear on your arm!
(As one co-worker said afterwards: "Sarah, he's got thirty years and two hundred pounds on you.")
I quickly decline this oh so wonderful dinner invitation.
And what do you do in moments when you've been shot down? You make it even MORE awkward!!!!!!
What does my gracious asker-outer say?
"Oh you're cold. You're cold. You are cooooooold".
|Me and Andy|